Busy Keeps the Blues at Bay
It’s been about 50 days since my last entry. March was a socially busy month but ended on an emotionally taxing note. So, it’s only natural that I’d hope for a more zen April. Boy! was I wrong. April was a disaster and May hasn’t been any better, since I’ve simply been using the month to deal with the emotional disaster, which is why there isn’t a #Hello2017 April post, because I couldn’t seem to think past the mishaps of the month and appreciate the good things that happened.
May has been a busy month – organically busy at work and a forced type of busy in my social life. I’m still reeling from an unexpected personal development and find myself overthinking things whenever I get a free moment. So, the simple answer is to have no free moments. Or so I thought.
Being busy really helps.
Previously, when going through something personal, I preferred to curl up in bed and pedal between tears and fantasies of what could’ve or should’ve been. But now, five years later, I find myself in a similar predicament and struggling to deal with it like a grown up. While curling into a human ball has its comforting benefits, nothing gets done. And as an adult, there are things to get done, especially when I love my work.
Being busy at work really helps. I never thought I’d know what it’s like to dread the weekends but as much as I need a break from a busy workweek, I know my mind will wander on the weekends. Staying busy has helped keep the blues away during the week. It’s helped me see my colleagues as friends and a few of them as family. And such work relationships are necessary because given how much time we spend at work, it’s like a second home.
While paychecks are welcome, reality checks sting on the weekends. It’s when you realize how much of your strength over the week was simply a front and you get to check in with the reality of where your feelings are at. You realize the truth of how you feel. The real (non-simple) answer is to assess your feelings and just feel them.
Feel your feelings.
I read tons on the internet on what’s recommended when dealing with emotional personal developments and most experts recommend, “feel your feelings.” Don’t push them aside. What I found to be most productive was in fact pushing them aside during the work week and then allowing myself to assess them over the weekend. I think keeping busy prevents you from overthinking and gets some distance between you and the problem, so that when you take a breather and come back to the problem you can truly assess how you feel about things. You also realize if your strength during the week is helping you make progress or if you were truly just faking it – but that too, reveals more about how you truly feel and how deep the pain goes. Sometimes keeping things at bay for too long can result in some serious waves crashing down, though, either way feel the feelings and realize where you stand.
My reality.
I turned into a ‘yes woman’ in May, saying yes to every social meet up, dinner and drinks catch up, event, you name it, I went to it. And it was great at first until I realized at the tail end of these events that I stopped enjoying them as I couldn’t get matters out of my mind. That’s when I knew my emotions caught up with me. I either needed to talk it out and get some answers or simply cry it out because this was really just a sad, sad situation. Turns out, it was both. There is something quite freeing about allowing yourself to feel your feelings, because that’s the only way you’re able to understand them and then move past them. So regardless of whether your tears come out in heaving waves or it’s just a little drizzle, you now know where your feelings are truly at.
First written by me on madderandshade/wordpress on May 23, 2017: https://madderandshade.wordpress.com/2017/05/23/busy-keeps-the-blues-at-bay/
Reposted on this final madder and shade site in 2018